DFQ, Beautiful.

Not fucking quitting is beautiful. So... DO NOT FUCKING QUIT, Beautiful... Keep your head UP and your tiara on! There is so much beauty found in strength, and it is undeniably strong not to quit when you want to.

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Beauty is proving to yourself and everyone that you didn't give up.

Whilst I'm not the biggest fan of proving yourself to other people, when it also involves proving to yourself, it can be significant and meaningful. It's not about waving a green flag everywhere that says 'I did it', it's about recognising that you've grown and evolved into a version of yourself that is resilient and bulletproof. It's beautiful to say that you were a dying flower and you watered your way back to life. It's beautiful to be so bright, independent and pretty when you were once so cold, defeated and wilted.

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Beauty is being strong when you feel weak.

It's running when you feel like crawling slowly, solemnly, and painfully. To keep your tiara on when you want to curl into a ball and fall asleep is not just showing beauty to the world, but harnessing it, and showing that same beauty to the person within. I have spent countless hours in hospital beds, with a tube up my nose and needles in my arms, alone, with no family in the country. I had to put on my big girl pants when, believe me, I didn't want to. I had to do the thing scariest to me, eating, god knows, unwillingly. The faith my parents and nurses had in me, and their ability to give me the strength I so desperately required, was beautiful. And I found that beauty in the sunrays that shone through my hospital room window. I found that beauty in the nurses who told me that they believed I could keep going. I found that in the hundreds of supportive text messages I've received over the years from my blog subscribers, family, dear friends, and followers. Did I feel strong? Not once. Did I feel weak? Every second of every day. Did I do it, no matter what? Yes. I. Did. And after all these years of not giving up, I've found a true beauty within the way I view myself, my loved ones, and life, and the way those things stare back at me. I've learnt that everything that made me think I was weak had, all along, been the very things that would set me free. But I couldn't have come to that conclusion if I hadn't been brave in the moments I wanted to hide.

I couldn't have attained beauty if I hadn't achieved courage.

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Beauty is doing hard things because they're the right things to do.

It's finally loving yourself enough to allow yourself to be free of the fears and darkness within you. Every single day, I am faced with things I am afraid of doing and things I don't believe in myself enough to do, but being beautiful isn't about shrinking yourself to fit into a box; it's about following the natural rhythm of life and blossoming into a beautiful plant that's been watered, nourished, and sunned. And that takes precious consistency. Last night, I didn't want to eat dinner because I had the opportunity to restrict and miss it. But anorexia isn't the direction anybody wants me to go in, nor the little me I seek to protect within myself. To attain happiness and support, I needed to do the right thing, and that was to choose recovery, respect my body and be brave for everyone in this world who loves me. So no, it's not always easy; it's not about easy, it's about DFQ!

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Not fucking quitting is a badge of honour for both everyone around you and, additionally, yourself. You should be immensely proud of all the times you found strength that you didn't know you had. In my opinion, loving yourself is a job that you have to work at, even on the days you want to roll over and hit snooze on your alarm clock. I'm proud of myself, but I'm also immensely proud of you, Dolls.

Kisses,

COS x