TO GIVE UP ON LOVE
- Luka
- 14 hours ago
- 2 min read
J'adore, j'adore, j'adore. It can be debilitating, confusing, and taxing, but when it's good, I think it's worth all of the heartache along the way. Dolls, I've had many relationships, in many forms; healthy and toxic, and despite it all, I'd do it again, because love is the oxygen we breathe. I believe love sustains us all.
This love has been breaking my heart since I was just a little girl. But I think the difference between our love as children and our love as adults is that, as adults, you know that the little details don't matter as much as the bigger picture. As an adult, it's not about settling for less. Rather, it’s realising and understanding how good your connection, conversation, and memories are. It’s immeasurable goodness over momentary disappointment. As children, your experience of love is less. And so there is a lot more that hurts you because, at the time, small things can appear much bigger than they really are.
The things you once didn't notice, you now can't help but cherish.
If the wind had changed, my eyes would be swollen, and my tears would've been falling - heartbreak - not the type when you like someone, but the type when you love them. That's why this one was so hard for me. That's why I gave it my all. That's why I risked it all. Because I knew if I didn't try, even at the risk of my self-worth, I would've absolutely, without a doubt, regretted what might've been. And it's okay that nothing came from it right there and right then, because sometimes love takes patience, kindness, communication, space and understanding. Maybe that doesn't mean it's not right. Maybe it just means not right now.
And then there was her...
She loved me. She never gave up on me. She never hated me, not even for a moment, not even for a little bit, not even at all. And recently, I've wanted to run, I've wanted to escape, and I've wanted to be as far away from everything I've known as possible. But it's her who keeps me here. It's her who makes me happy when I'm sad. It's her who I will always love. It's her who will always love me. And I will never give up on her, above everyone, above it all.
Love is so ridiculously hard at times, but you have a choice: to let its faults define your future, or to let its brilliance propel you into a life that is filled with it.
Kisses,
COS x
