Love Is Never Lost
Love is one of the most beautiful things in the world. And I am grateful to have had so much of it in my short 23 years. Love may be lost on others, but it will never be lost on me.
If I could do it all again, even knowing the ending, I would absolutely do it. When you love someone purely, deeply, and healthily, I don't think it is ever lost. This soul taught me true love in a way I didn't know it before. How could I take any of that back? How can you take away the experience of feeling perfect when you'd never thought that about yourself or life before? How can you take away the experience of knowing someone else is perfect, even though you know every human is flawed? He was it for me, everything, and more. And I can’t switch that feeling off; I can’t forget it, and I certainly can’t erase it. No matter what has happened, no matter what will happen, that love was one of the most pleasurable, joyful, and loving experiences of my life. It meant everything to me, and it will always mean everything to me. How could I ever want to lose something that kept me wrapped in its arms for so long?
If anything, the only thing I want to lose is the sadness that is its lack of place in my life.
His memory, his importance and his effort has never and will never be lost on me.
There are so many things I'd do differently with you. I'd speak louder, and much, much sooner. The silence made me lose myself but that period of my life wasn't love. That's the difference. And I think part of you will always believe it was love, but it wasn't. I know that. And everyone else knows that. Before that time, I hope you loved me as innocently as I loved you. I truly hope that. And part of me will always want to believe that, even if deep down I know there's a possibility that that's not true. But the love, and the bond that we shared for so many inextricably special years feels important to me. Despite how I reflect on that time now, and despite whether or not I believe meeting you could be undone, those years are not lost to me. You showed me that I deserved to have somebody show up for me, all the time, and every time. You showed me that I deserved words of love and affirmation. You showed me that I deserved to be forgiven, and not tormented with silence and isolation. You showed me a patient love, a love that paved the way for me to be a lover like you. I regret what you did, I regret what you are, but I do not regret the person I once believed you to be. Your love is not lost on me. But you are.
Sometimes we lose our way with eachother; our emotions, our mindsets, our conversation pieces, and our priorities. But I never lose the love I have for you, not even close, not even a little bit, not ever. You are the one part of my life that has always remained constant and unconditional.
Even if we don't talk, even if you're silent, even if you're being unkind, I never doubt your love for me. Even if I don't talk, even if I'm silent, even if I'm being unkind, never doubt my love for you.
I love you in a way they don't describe in books, and in a way they don't show in the movies. For you are certainly unwritten; I don't know anybody who has ever been described or shown like you, in the best way. You are unique, you are brilliant, and you have taught me everything I know about the world. Whilst that is your greatest asset, sometimes it is your greatest demon. Whilst I wish my love was patient and gracious enough to endure the times when it is your demon, sometimes it is not. But it is still there. It still remains. My love is never lost in your mind. Your love is never lsot in mine. I know that no matter how ugly our words get, that our bodies know, our brains know, and our hearts know... they will always know that our love could never lose itself. Even in the dark it will glow.
I don't think love is ever lost, do you?
Kisses,
Luka x
Comments