How To Help Somebody With Anorexia

Helping someone with anorexia isn't easy. I believe the thing that makes it the most difficult is that what helps is something that significantly varies from person to person. I know that some of the things that help me are immense triggers for other sufferers. So, Dolls, in saying that, these are the few tactics that I've found to be the most universally beneficial.

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As a general rule of thumb, for any and every body, I believe that commenting on another person's weight is completely unjustified, unwarranted, unacceptable and unhelpful. A person's weight can be a reflection of so much more than just an eating disorder, but a person's mood, relationship status or hardships, to name a few. When you have anorexia, you have a hyper fixation on your weight, which is incredibly confusing, especially if (and it usually is) it's coupled with body dysmorphia. This means that even those who are shockingly underweight still go on to see the reflection of somebody who's up to two, three or four times their actual size staring back at them. Somebody battling with this, the voice that tells them they still have so much weight to lose, and the dissatisfaction that will eternally prevail, will be heartbroken, torn to pieces and ripped to shreds by an external comment assessing a perception of their weight. I promise you that they're struggling enough with their weight as it is. I promise you that telling somebody anything about their weight will hurt deeply and last eternally in their mind, toying with them, for years to come. Your words will enhance the self-torment they endure on a daily, weekly and monthly basis.

You think your words can't hurt? True. They don't hurt... they can kill.

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Talk and ask and communicate and care.

I become worse when nobody tells me how things are panning out from their perspective, because from the perspective of a person with anorexia, they are never going to reach a point in which they're satisfied. Additionally, it is in the nature ofeating disorders to manifest in the dark, so it is in your silence that the eating disorder worsens. We wear baggy clothes, we mask the pain through starvation, and we communicate with ourselves to our detriment... unkind words, harsh remarks and endless putdowns. To help somebody with anorexia is to find a light in a person you're watching slip away into the dark. It is a beautiful thing to see a person who doesn't want to be found. But don't doubt this truth; they won't want to be found. And it won't be easy to find them. 'How are you?' won't cut it. 'You good?' won't cut it. 'Hey.' won't cut it. You must be prepared to open a door with no light, blackened by the world that's been unkind to them, amidst their self-deprecating words of fear, loss and sorrow. And if you are prepared, you will find a person who deep down, is not not wanting to be found but just hasn't found the right person to find them. And, oh, imagine if that right person can be you. 

Talk. Talk about anorexia, talk about the weather, talk about your dog. Just show that you're there for whatever comes up, any time of day.

Ask. Don't assume. Show you want to learn. Show that you aren't afraid of an answer that isn't by the book.

Communicate. Show that you aren't just there physically, but that you want to be there emotionally, verbally, entirely.

Care. Show it. Don't text once, go wild and text twice. Show that you're thinking of them because if you do, you allow this person to know that they matter enough to be thought of.

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Helping somebody with anorexia, as hard as this will be to hear, is not about fixing them. Unfortunately, Dolls, anorexia, when you have it, is most commonly something for the long run. Even with recovery, the same twisted voice exists in the back of one's mind. So it's important to understand this if you truly want to help somebody with it, your place is not to fix them, your place is and will always be to hold their hand alongside them through the darkest storm they may ever face. Be brave enough to be brave for them because I can promise you, it's hard to stay brave when you have the monster that is anorexia attacking you from all fronts day in and day out. But have no doubt that your impact can be profound. A single person can undoubtedly change the course of anorexia. Recovery is possible. But more importantly, it’s your love that allows it to be.

Kisses & Hugs,

COS xo

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