A Dangerous Love <3
- Luka
- 14 hours ago
- 2 min read
Older men, violence, predators - every parent's worst nightmare. Little did my parents know that anorexia would be theirs. It became not just the nightmare of my folks but of all my friends and other loved ones, from educators to extended family. Anorexia has been the most dangerous love they've ever seen, and this blog post sheds light on just how dangerous anorexia is.
The love that others have for themselves is a love that, for me, exists for my illness.
People do self-care activities, and meanwhile, I'm thinking of 101 ways to devote myself to anorexia.
It's dangerous, the little amount I care for myself, because with every step I do not take to enhance my wellbeing, I take to harming my body. It is because I do not love myself more than my illness that the danger presents itself - there is no length that I am not willing to go to. A dangerous love is a love that knows no bounds. It reigns free. It reigns without rules.
The dangerous side effects of anorexia begin developing soon, for it doesn't take much time for anorexia to unleash itself completely. The dangers found within one's love include headaches, fatigue, low/high blood pressures/ blood sugars/heart rates, dizziness, fainting, aches, seizures, purple/blue skin, skin mottling, organ damage/failure, pericardial effusion, loss of bowel/urine function and shockingly, heart-breakingly, far more. To call anorexia a dangerous love is actually a vast understatement, I fear, for what it truly is... a lethal love, a murderous love.
A dangerous love is frowned upon by everyone, fear rising in parents' hearts and best friends' love. I certainly have felt that fear grow over the years within my inner circle. The more tears I saw swelling in drooped eyes, the more my guilt developed. My parents might have prepared themselves for the bad boy but they certainly didn't prepare themselves for the kind of abuse that anorexia entails. In fact, I know they didn't. Because the two-word noun 'eating disorder' doesn't sound the way it is: harrowing, devastating, painful, persistent, and cruel. An eating disorder is the dangerous love nobody can prepare themself for because its danger is expansive, endless and versatile, containing verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, bullying, name-calling, destruction and fatality.
I think now, perhaps, they would yearn for me to have just met the bad boy.
Danger presents itself across so many different phenomena, though when danger presents itself amongst love, I believe it is the most dangerous. Because instead of doing what humans naturally do - avoid it - they become drawn to the very thing that could cause them the most imminents of dangers. A dangerous love is a love that makes you crazy. It's a love that, instead of setting you free, keeps you wrapped around its finger.
Kisses & Hugs,
COS x