My Name Is Luka

Dolls, my entire life, people have sung the lyrics of 'My Name Is Luka' to me upon my introduction of myself. It's a beautiful, though tortured, song of a young woman experiencing domestic violence. And since developing anorexia, its sinister element is something I've associated with over the years. My psychiatrist asked me to write my own version of this song in relation to my battle, and I thought it would be a therapeutic and rewarding task. So, Dolls, thanks to Dr Buckett, here you go!

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My name is Luka

I live on anorexia's floor

I live below you

So far below

Yes, I think you've seen me before

You went to get milk from the kitchen and saw me in the corner, not eating but watching.

If you hear something late at night

Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight

Ask me what it was

Ask me what it was

Ask me what it was

Because you'd be the only one I have to notice or to care about the noise, the trouble, the fight inside.

I think I'm this way because I was taught it is okay to be hurting and suffering

I try not to talk too loudly

I try not to act too proud

I try to stay in a corner, in a box, to drain out all the sound

Maybe it's because I'm crazy

And I deserve all the badness and darkness in my life

Anorexia only hits until you cry

After that, you don't ask why

You just don't argue anymore

Just don't argue anymore

Just don't argue anymore

Because you begin to think you're not in pain

Yes, I think I'm okay

I walked into its room again

Well, if you ask, that's what I'll say

It's not your business anyway

I guess I'd like to be alone for now so that nobody interferes with its wicked game to keep me isolated, ashamed

With nothing broken, nothing thrown, nothing borrowed except its crown

This time, don't ask me how I am

Just don't ask me how I am

Just don't ask me how I am

Because it's going to make me cry

My name is Luka

I live on anorexia's floor

I live below you

So far below

Yes, I think you've seen me before

You were dancing, laughing and singing, and I was wimpering, fretting, hiding

You thought I was weird

And it's okay because I am

I'm weirdly, irrevocably in love with the one with a knife to my throat and a dagger to my heart

If you hear something late at night

Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight

Just don't ask me what it was

Just don't ask me what it was

Just don't ask me what it was

Because it hurts too much to remember

Only hit until you cry

And when it stops, you don't ask why

You just don't argue anymore

You just don't argue anymore

You just don't argue anymore

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So, Dolls, that's the lyrics to my version of this special song. I truly hope you loved it.

Kisses,

COS x