Love Will Tear Us Apart

You cannot have your heart irrevocably and implicitly torn apart by somebody you don't love... You just can't. This blog explores the double-edged sword that is the nature of love... How, on the one hand, it's delightful, but on the other, it's like a curse. Love will tear us apart.

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I think one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced was the homesickness I felt when I went to live overseas for 4 months without my family. I was young, only 16, and I wasn't prepared for the devastation that would soon hit me. The love between my Mum, Dad, and me is unmatched. All of us are happiest together and saddest... loneliest, apart. The missing was more like a hole in my body, the wind whistling in and out of it, and anybody was able to see right through me. I developed a sense of fragility that kept me weak and empty. And it wasn't until I was in their arms again that the hole began to repair, and even then, it took a while, because without their love, I feel depleted. My love for them tore me apart, physically and emotionally. Physically, I had barely any strength. I remember feeling drowsy all the time, I had difficulty concentrating, and my hair fell out. Emotionally, all of my experiences in those four months were diminished and tainted with the extreme underlying melancholy that existed amidst my life. If they didn't matter to me in the profound way that they do, I could've been more present in the new friendships I was developing and achieved a stronger sense of enticement towards my new life. But I didn't know where I fit in a world where they weren't by my side, or at least in one where I knew I could hold their hand if I needed to for a moment of reassurance that I was loved and safe.

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Love will tear your life apart and crumble all of your walls, even if everything in your life is picture perfect. When your heart breaks, your world breaks. You'll feel miserable. You'll ruin everything you have that's good. You'll spend days in bed. It doesn't matter if you're having the best day of your life because the heart always breaks, even when, especially when everything else is good. That's how strong love is. It's the most strong, the most wild, the most uncontainable, and the most mad. But I think that even so, it's beautiful that another person can mean so exceptionally much.

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Does it make one crazy for bending over backwards, for losing their mind, for selling their soul if it's all in the name of the person you love? For then I am 'crazy' as I would do any of these things without a second of hesitation for the people I love. In truth, I would do all of these and more... Jump off a bridge, lie, or scheme. Love makes you do anything, anything at all, everything, everything, and more. And in that sense, love can be irrational, impossible, and painful, so very painful, because when something happens to that person, you'll do anything to stop it, change it, or fix it, because at the end of the day, they're the only thing in the whole world that really means anything at all. That person becomes your reason. And that's a dangerous place to be. Love, love, will tear us apart.

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Love, as beautiful, as good, and as important as it is, can cost the heart so much pain, so much sorrow, and so much disappointment. And I think it’s important to talk about the bad because if we only ever talk about the good, nobody can prepare for just how exceptionally hard love can be on a tender heart.

Kisses,

COS x